I slowly walked towards the balcony of my room, and gently pushing the glass doors open, I took a moment to breathe in the fresh air of the early morning. The breeze playfully fluttered my long, flowing hair, as if greeting me in this new day. The coolness of the dark night was soon to be replaced with the heat of the day. It was, after all, my duty to make sure this happened. An ethereal spark shone from the end of my ivory horn, beckoning the sun to wake, for it was its time to rise. It answered like a child to its mother, hoisting itself high up in the sky, its rays filtering through the clouds and tinting them orange and tangerine. Dawn was here.
I let the sight take my breath away even for just a fleeting second. This moment, this instant, was my favorite in the world; no matter how many times I've been an audience to the vivid, firey dance of colors across the heavens, it never failed to make me contemplate it in silent admiration of the radiance that took the world below as its endless stage to perform its flamenco of light, like a phantasmagoric performer.
My first royal task for the day done, I am instantly overcome by melancholy. As the ruler of Equestria, it was time for me to address issues of interest from all over the kingdom, for the sake of the continued prosperity of the land. My eyes were cast downwards, staring at my hooves and the polished marble floor beneath them. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy doing my part for the sake of my subjects, no; I quite enjoyed getting involved in whatever a monarch such as myself was needed. It was just that...after 1000 years of noninterrupted duties as a ruler, I wished to do something different every once in a while. Sometimes I just want to go out and fly above the clouds and play with the mischevious wind that caresses my face ever so gently every new day.
But alas, such a thing I cannot do, for ponykind needs Princess Celestia to maintain Equestria running as harmoniously and peacefully as it always does. It needs the wisdom of a sage who has lived through more lifetimes than mortals would dare imagine.
And yet...sometimes I wonder if, after these thousand and so years, have I ever been truly alive.
The knowlege I hold, which I gladly impart to ponies seeking guidance or enlightment or something else, echoes emptily in my. To me, it is hollow, but for them, it holds such deep meaning and weight and symbolism. It is as if I were just a mediator, passing the message to those who can use it, while I myself find my own words devoid of any meaning to me. That is because I am different. I've been breathing for so long, a goddess on the ground, and ponies look up to me revering the divine qualities they see in their princess. They think my mind probably lies in a higher plane of existance that they couldn't possibly understand. To them, thinking the mare who manipulates the sun itself shares many of their fears, insecurities, and flaws would be preposterous...
I found myself lost in thought while one of my royal advisors spoke of the current economical situation of Cloudsdale. I just sat there, looking regal and majestic like I always do, putting up my little act as I am used to by now. I look at each and every one of their faces, taking in every little detail, from the colors of their manes to the wrinkles beneath their eyes to the monocle one of them wore..to the size of their nostrils, the little kinks there was to the shape of their muzzles... I wished to commit them all to memory. One day, they'd be gone from this world...and I, I would stay behind.
Just like every other time.
Such was the fate of Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun.
I gave them a few words of my meaningless wisdom, words that to them constituted an answer to their questions and doubts. The meeting was adjourned, and the financial problems of Cloudsdale were all but a thing of the past. Consultants started running left and right, leaving to write letters with orders and decrees. Just like that, a sense of accomplishment filled the ponies around me. All but me; it was just another impersonal victory to me. Hollow.
I don't mean I'm not glad that my people at Cloudsdale will soon see brighter days. It's just that, those words of advice I always give my people never seem to have any use for myself. It frustrates me. Yet, I shouldn't be selfish...even if I've spent my whole life dedicated to those around me.
I'm full of contradictions, aren't I?
I trot back to my chamber. The familiar sight of my quarters provides me with some slight comfort for my ever so heavy heart. Going past the queen-sized bed adorned with overbearing details and decorations, I stare at the golden cage in which my loyal pet lies. I push it open, and Philomena perches on my foreleg. The phoenix is going to go back to ashes soon, its appearance sickly and weak. Yet to me, she's beautiful like no other. She's been by my side for so long, being reborn time and time again to be with me.
"Hey there, young lady...how are you feeling today?"
She let out a sharp squawk, and her neck leaned to the side, but her eyes never separated from mine. With my wings, I flew us to my bed, her talons still grasping my foreleg. Laying on the fluffy mattress, I started telling her about everything that came to mind. Philomena, my closest confidante...you alone carry the burden of knowing of my sorrows. Not even Luna knows about this.
Sweet, innocent Luna... When her heart was overtaken by a darkness I knew all too well, I sent her to sleep on the moon... It was the only way I knew to protect her from the loneliness that holds me down to this day. She thought that nopony enjoyed her night, and that was the reason of her solitude...but, even in the bright of day, that desolation remains. So, as I held the Elements of Harmony, I made my wish.
Let my sister sleep until Equestria forgets about her duties as the mare of the moon. Only then, when she returns, will she be able to mingle with the common ponyfolk, and dispel that loneliness. She would be able to tell the solitude its long goodbye. She could be able to live her life to her heart's desire, rather than being held back because of her royal heritage.
And so, she slept for a thousand years, while my soul yearned to go to where she was. Back then, we only had each other, but I decided to sacrifice that, too, to open a door to my little sister; a door I couldn't follow her through. Her future now lied in her own hooves. I wished for her freedom, and my burdens would only slow her down as she gallops down her own path.
My beloved sister, Luna...please forgive my treachery; what I did cannot be undone, but I thought it would be the best for you. I'm such a cruel older sister, aren't I?
A scroll flickers into existence near me. A letter from Twilight Sparkle. I levitate the piece of parchment over towards me and Philemena, undoing the ribbon holding it closed.
A new report on the magic of friendship. Frankly, the highlight of my days. My faithful student was learning and experiencing things I could never be able to, and in a way, I was jealous; nevertheless, the pride I felt for the young mare always raised my spirits, even if just a bit. A smile crept its way across my lips as I read out loud to my companion what Twilight learned during her lastest adventure. I took a moment to think back in Ponyville, the tranquil town I've visited several times now. In the middle of my imaginary landscape, I see them; Twilight Sparkle and her friends. Her wonderful, wonderful friends. My thoughts wander to each and every one of them.
I find myself daydreaming about Fluttershy first. Such a gentle, kind soul, always caring about the creatures and ponies around her...her silent voice betraying the limitless strength and boundless determination inside. I thought back to the time in which she took Philomena from her cage as she saw the bird so fragile and weakened and sick; her desire to help overriding her own instincts of self-protection. Sadly, anypony else would have been far too intimidated by the thought of taking the Princess' pet bird and the punishment it could represent to ever try something so noble. However, the most admirable thing about her that time was how she stood up to the responsibility she felt she had to take for her actions. Even if she comes across to other ponies as scared most of the time, she holds inside of her an uninimaginable courage.
Thinking back to that visit to Ponyville, I remembered the only other pony who seemed to be enjoying herself during the lunch, a pink blur whom they called Pinkie Pie. I giggled a bit, thinking on how she asked whether I would eat the cupcake I held aloft with my magic and in a single chomp, downed it all. It was quite disappointing that the patrons of the shop took her away at that moment, for she was like an avatar for the energy of life itself. So vivid, so intense...and at that moment she treated me like another friend rather than some inpersonal exchange. Thinking that some one like that exists made me smile a bit.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack, two ponies with blazing competitive spirits who were sometimes at odds with each other, yet nonetheless were great friends. Rainbow Dash had demonstrated her devotion to her friends before, when, during the Junior Flyer competition at Cloudsdale, she filled the sky with what she called a "Sonic Rainboom"...all to save a friend in danger. Applejack, in turn, carried with her an air of simplicity, a hardworking filly who knew what really was important to her, always doing her best for either her family or friends.
And then I thought of Rarity, the artistically inclined dressmaker unicorn, who enjoys creating beauty out of cloth. These works of art in the form of apparel, though, paled in comparison to her inner depths, breathtaking in every possible way. An unicorn who was lovely both inside and out.
And then my thoughts strayed back to my faithful student and her assistant. Twilight Sparkle had long since come out of her shell, and now lived a life I've always yearned for. I felt happy for her. To me, my students are the closest ponies to me, almost kin.
I took a moment to close my eyes and remember all the students I ever had, and were no longer here. Nostalgia. Sadness. Yearning. Time waited for no one, and while I was still here, those I meant so long ago no longer are. That's always been my greates sorrow; I've met so many ponies, and even if I've never been able to get as close as I wished to one, every time one departed from this world I found myself smothered against my pillow, letting the salty tears soak it. No matter what I did, they would eventually die, and I'd stay here, ruling Equestria for all of eternity.
Once again I stood outside, on my balcony, now gazing at the stars which adorned the heavens, twinkling near the full moon. Luna's night was as stunning as she was.
A shooting star. I let it be witness to my flight of fancy...I wondered how would it be to enjoy the company of a group of good friends, like my faithful student. I wondered what it'd be like to live like a normal filly, to see the world with wonder in my eyes and see every day as a new opportunity. How'd it be to have a lover. How'd it be to have people that asked me if things were all right and if I needed help. How'd it be to not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders all the time. How'd it be to not feel so distant from others...how'd it be to not be alone.
The shooting star had dissapeared from the azure sky, but I still let the words escape my lips.
"Won't you take me somewhere far away, where I can be someone else, even if just for a fleeting moment?"
Tears. I was...crying again. I didn't know why. Maybe because no one would hear my plea?
I turn my gaze up again at the moon, and I say as the crystal tears adorned my visage.
I'm falling. Falling through darkness. I can't see anything. I'm losing myself in this cold, desolate place blanketed by black.
My eyes are closed as I keep plunging.
And then, I feel it. Something wrap around my foreleg... Something soft, smooth, warm. Was it...a hand? I felt so at ease...
"It's okay, Sunny." A male voice gently beckons as it falls together with me. "I'm right here..."
My eyes are closed yet I feel his tenderness fill my heart with joy. Then, with my eyes still closed, both of us were enveloped by a pleasant radiance.
"...and I'm never letting go."